I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
