so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
