Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
