That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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