I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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