At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
