Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
