my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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