hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
