I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
