you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
