It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
