So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
He shit in the fireplace
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
