you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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