Sponge bath it is.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
