Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Randomize
