im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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