so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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