he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
