Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
