i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
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