At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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