she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
