but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
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