how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
