The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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