he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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