i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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