Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
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