life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
