Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
