i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
