Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
