Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
