ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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