Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
