I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Sober January is a disaster.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
