There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
