In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
It's shark week go big or go home
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
