Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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