I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
