The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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