i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
