Hey man sorry I got all grabby
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
