Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
