So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
