God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
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