White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
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