wake up i wanna do it froggy style
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
