Yo dont text me then not text me
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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