So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
