I'm eating all of the evidence.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
