I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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