You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Acid is not a monday night drug
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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